Dark Paradise
by SWhite42
Summary: At her partner's funeral, Natasha finally puts the Black Widow to rest.


It's been three weeks since Clint died, and Natasha hasn't spoken to anybody since they broke the news to her after she returned. She had attended debriefing and turned in her mission report from her own mission like standard procedure called for, and to the newer agents it might have looked normal, but it wasn't. Natasha was often quiet when she was on base, rarely talking to those she didn't directly work with, but now, her silence was heavy.

Natasha had internalized everything to make it more bearable. She was angry and hurt and scared, she felt like her world was crumbling, but she never did let it show. She felt that if she let one tiny bit of emotion slip, the entire dam in her mind would come crashing down. She spent her nights drowning out the haunting thoughts of her partner in liquor, and during her days she kept busy at SHIELD. Occasionally someone would suggest she go home and take some time off, and she would just glare at them until they backed off. She hated being at home, it felt so empty and wrong without Clint.

Clint still hung around like a ghost at their apartment. His clothes were still lazily strewn around the floor of her bedroom, his favorite mug still on the counter, his old bow propped up against the front door frame, his shampoo and razor still in the shower, and that familiar and distinct smell of him clung to the sheets of their bed. It all made Natasha ache and hurt in ways she didn't even think were possible. Whenever she was there she couldn't shake the flood of memories that rushed through her mind.

She remembered everything about him, from the day they first met and he let her live. She remembered their rocky first year together when they were practically always at each others throats. Every punch, every threat, every insult that was thrown between them. She remembered the good times too. The laughs they shared and the jokes. Clint's ridiculous sense of humor. Playing pranks on the other SHIELD agents with him. Their first kiss is what stung her the most. It had been soft, and gentle, his hands gently cradling her head as he kissed her. It was the very first time in her life she had ever felt like she wasn't an object, he had made her feel truly desirable for more than just her looks, he made her feel worthwhile, Clint had made her feel truly human.

He remembered when he'd asked her to marry him. It wasn't anything outlandish or ridiculous, he knew Natasha better than that. It was shortly after the whole Loki thing went down with The Avengers. They were curled up on the couch with Natasha in his lap watching a movie and he just asked her. She was beyond shocked, but then he took a ring out of his pocket. It took her more than a week to give him an answer, and she originally said no. But, a month later she ended up asking him after she almost lost him on a mission, she realized that she didn't want to ever be without him. They hadn't told anybody but Coulson, preferring to keep the majority of SHIELD out of their business, and he'd been fine with it. He was even happy for them. And now, he was gone. She didn't get to him in time, she didn't save him. After all the times he'd saved her, she'd failed him in the end. One mission they weren't together.

Then, the day of the funeral arrived. Natasha contemplated not going, but she couldn't bring herself to abandon him again. Clint was one of SHIELD's top, most respected agents, practically the whole organization was going to be there and she didn't know if she could do it. They'd asked her to speak, but she'd declined, saying that words didn't mean anything to them anyways. Which, was true. Natasha almost never really believed what came out of Clint's mouth, but she always believed his actions. She'd dressed that morning in a simple black dress and blazer, with plain black flats. Her makeup was done lightly and she let her hair fall down in it's natural curls, Clint always liked it best that way.

Steve picked her up that morning. She'd wanted to drive herself, but he had been insistent that she not. Steve was probably her closest friend outside of Clint, so she didn't put up much of a fight. When he arrived in his best suit, it was the first time he'd seen her since before Clint died, and he pulled her into a tight hug. She stiffened at first, physical contact from people other than her partner still threw her off, but eventually relaxed and leaned into the hug. Steve didn't say anything, for which Natasha was grateful. They drove in silence to the funeral. When they arrived everybody stopped what they were doing and stared at Natasha as she walked to where she had a seat reserved in the front, right next to Fury and the rest of The Avengers, even Thor had shown up for the occasion looking much more reserved in a black suit. A soft murmur spread through the crowd as they all noticed one thing about Natasha. From her neck hung a chain, on it a simple silver arrow head that Clint had given her right before leaving on his last mission, and a ring. It was then that everybody knew that she had lost so much more than a partner. She made her way to the front and took her seat between Tony and Steve. Her heart practically stopped when she saw the casket, it was all to real with the American Flag draped over the top. Colleges of pictures of him with various SHIELD agents on stands around. One picture in particular caught her eye. It was of them. Natasha was draped in a sort of backwards fireman style over his shoulder so they were facing the same direction. Clint was laughing, and Natasha looked pissed. She smiled a bit as she remembered that day in the training room.

Natasha tuned out most of the service, she didn't particularly care to hear people who barely knew him drone on. She let her mind go completely black as she stared blankly ahead. Then the talking portion wound down and it came to the part she was dreading. At SHIELD funerals, everybody who wishes to can place a rose on top of the casket before it's lowered into the ground. Their partner or closest friend always goes first, though Natasha elected to differ that duty to the rest of the team, she wanted to go last. She watched on as countless people left a plain, red rose onto her partners coffin and a lump began to form in her throat. Finally, it was her turn to go. She walked up alone, feeling the eyes of the entire gathering on her as she walked up to say her final goodbye to her partner. She pulled a single daisy out of her bag, remembering the time they had wrestled in a field of them. He'd told her that they were his favorite flower after that because they reminded him of her. Her hand shook noticeably as she reached out to the casket and placed the flower on the center. She pulled her hand back, letting it rest gently on the coffin for a moment before she spoke. He voice was harsh from disuse as she choked out her final words to him.

"Clint...I..." But, she couldn't do it. She let her head drop down, her hair falling like a curtain over her face, and tears that she held back for three weeks began to fall. She began to shake as quiet sobs wracked her body. She had never felt so alone and empty than she did now, not even back at the Red Room. She gripped the edge of the casket hard with both hands as she tried to get a grip on herself, but she just couldn't. She suddenly felt Steve's familiar presence behind her as he lightly placed a hand on her back. She turned quickly from the casket, burying her face in Steve's shoulder and fisting the jacket of his suit tightly. He simply wrapped one arm firmly around her waist while the other cradled her skull gently. Natasha cried even harder while Steve held her, and before long her knees gave out and she sank to her knees, Steve knelt with her. They remained there for sometime, until Natasha's pained sobs eased up and she pulled away. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped her tears and ruined makeup away before helping her to her feet. He firmly held her hand as they made their way back to her seat. Natasha stared fixedly at the ground to avoid the looks her fellow SHIELD agents would have on their faces.

When they were seated again, Steve didn't let go of her hand, and Tony's own rough hand entwined with her other hand. She nodded appreciatively at both of them as they began to lower Clint into the ground and covered him. She didn't move as people began to leave, and the Avengers along with Fury, Hill, and Coulson sat with her until they were all gone.

"Can I be alone with him." She choked out after nearly an hour of silence. There was a collective 'of course' from them all as they all stood to leave.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Steve asked as he stood up. She waved him off.

"No, it's fine. I'll get a cab or something." He nodded as he let Natasha's hand slip from his. Tony also stood up, letting their hands fall. Natasha stood up with them. Fury, Coulson, and Hill left without another word while The Avengers all hugged her tightly before leaving.

"There's aways room at Stark Tower is you don't want to be alone tonight." Tony whispered. It was one of Tony's rare, but touching moment of sincerity. She nodded as he kissed her hair softly before pulling away. She watched as they walked off together before turning to he partners grave. She walked over and knelt in the fresh dirt in front of the headstone that read simply 'Clint "Hawkeye" Barton, Born January 7th, 1971 - Died June 30th, 2013' underneath all that was in scripted 'The Man Who Never Missed'. She reached into her bag and pulled out one more thing, the all too familiar red and black buckle from her belt that identified her as The Black Widow. Tears began to silently run down her face again as she brought the object to her lips. She then dug into the loose dirt and dropped it into the grave with Clint.

Clint had killed the Black Widow ages ago and brought Natasha Romanoff to life he saved her in every way imaginable. She couldn't go back to SHIELD knowing he was never going to have her back on another mission. Knowing she was alone again. So, she buried who she was with her partner. That was the last anyone ever saw of Natasha Romanoff, but surely enough, every year on the anniversary of his death, a single bright daisy appeared on Clint's grave.


End file.
